What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We're too hungover to prance.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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