the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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