Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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