I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
