I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i out mim tonsoeep
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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