There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
