AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
