Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Oh god it's open bar.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
