Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
