Whod you bang
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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