24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
