Pappa wants mamma naked
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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