Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
