I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
