I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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