3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
