I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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