I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
