making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
