Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she told me i tasted like america
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There are leaves in my underwear?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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