Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
