this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
