How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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