Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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