dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
