Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
