it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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