He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
