brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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