What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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