I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
sarcasm needs its own font
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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