There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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