3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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