all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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