I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
