I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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