Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
