I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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