it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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