pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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