he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
