Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
