Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
