Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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