The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
