Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My dick has a subreddit
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
