she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
