Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
