dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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