phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
