Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Are we still banned from the library?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
