the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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